substance.... heart and soul.
why must it be conveyed through pain?
why can't you smile, and you see true beauty?
why is it that pain measures true love?

i cant stand this depression in my soul.
as i breathe each breath,
i want to live this life,
i just cant stand...
the pain.

i wish life were how it used to be!
when i was happy, smiling!
...when i saw a reason to grin.

life has its slums, that much i know.
when will this change,
when will i grin for real?

i want to cry a thousand tears,
as i sit here anxious, tired and scared.
its like the world has me surrounded,
hands up, i feel defeated.

i want to scream, to yell and plea,
make people understand that this is me.
but no one seems to notice,
the loss of a true smile on my face,
as my teeth grin, without substance beneath.

i say i dont like life...
people say thats normal.
im stressed and im tired,
that much i know.

but i USED to be happy,
that is what kills me.
to never experience happiness is sad,
but to experience happiness so often,
and to lose it all.

that is what im calling depressing.

i know

as each word leaves my mouth,
through each beat of my heart,
that i am

scared

of losing everything.
myself, my spirit, friends.
because i must seem

happy

to everyone...
that smile on my face
its just that

now

i can't deny
that smiles seem more forced...
because i'm just so scared of

being

judged.